If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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