you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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