I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help