no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.