I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.