Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Can you bring me the toilet please
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.