READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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