Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.