we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
