Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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