Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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