I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
