I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's shark week go big or go home
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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