Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
