Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
did i walk over a car last night?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
