so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
