you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
