He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
