Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
