A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
