I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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