I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Can you bring me the toilet please
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
