the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
