his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
be right there i have to get my cape
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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