Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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