I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
