im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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