Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
