i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
