Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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