And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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