I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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