I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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