you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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