You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
