If that was your dad, he is hot
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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