VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
