so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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