the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
