i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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