i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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