Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
