3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
