Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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