i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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