Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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