alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
