Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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