I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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