WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone