btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
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just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
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I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now