I am in a vortex of obligation.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS