She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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