My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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