I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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