Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You are the jesus of drinking
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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