I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
