She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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