If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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