She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
