He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
