Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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