It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
