i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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