Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
