it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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