Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
