he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
