Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
